Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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