just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
