when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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