I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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