He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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