I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
there was a trapeze. enough said
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
