So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my being single is dangerous.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
