the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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