Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
