i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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