haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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