I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
