No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
