You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
