I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
