I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
