He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
