Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
