Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
the raccoons are back...
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