I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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