Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
