I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
