just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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