NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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