Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I came so hard my ears popped.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
