I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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