Little spoons don't ask big questions
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize