i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize