Betty ford says i'm here all night
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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