Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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