Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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