I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
