It's Friday. Sex?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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