"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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