Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
