Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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