PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
