Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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