I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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