I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party