And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.