I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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