he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
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The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption