is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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