Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
