i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
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Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
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Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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