dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
