he thought i was a dude.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize