So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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