I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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