dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
