I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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