Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
