It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
