did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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