This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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