HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
