Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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