I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
