i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
