So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
