I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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