My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
