my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
