someone threw a dead crab at me
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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