her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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