The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
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I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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