I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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